It is Monday at 5:30 am. We are on a 2 hour delay. I arrived in Pittsburgh at 6:30 pm Friday and I was beyond excited to see my family. We drove straight home and I have not left the house since. I have been sleeping for the better part of the weekend. Jet lag. When you fly across that many time zones, the jet lag is fierce. I continually feel like I am recovering from anesthesia. Disoriented, dehydrated, no appetite. But the thing that has been the hardest is the feelings I have deep within my being. I miss the friends that I made and all of the children I came to love. Their faces and voices and songs are going round and round in my head and I want so much to be able to see them and talk to them. And at the same time, the horrors of what I saw haunt me relentlessly. The cowardly thing to do would be to put into gear those defense mechanisms I have learned all too well and pretend that either it wasn't as horrible as it appeared, or that if I just absorb myself back into my comfortable culture, I will feel better. But the truth is, that it was horrible and that I know that I can never view life, mine or anyone else's, the same again. I know that there are people in Uganda who are holding out hope that I will remember them and their sufferings. And not just remember, but actively engage myself and others, in loving them the way Jesus does.
I haven't talked to anybody except the people in my house since I have returned home. I honestly am struggling for words. What do you say when someone says, "Tell me all about it." Or "How did you like Africa?" I know this sounds simple and I should just answer the questions, but my experience and memories of it, are still so raw and personal and I have not quite figured out what to do with these feelings. I think that is why I am writing this. It is easier to write it than to talk about it. I cried all the way home from the airport and my husband was confused as to why. I was confused too. I guess it was because it was all so beautiful and so traumatizing at the same time. I need your continued prayers.
Great memories:
Kibule, our driver, saying in his very limited English, "Uganda is easy." He saiid this because the people are kind and loving for the most part.
Despite their circumstances, the Ugandan people seem to hold out Hope and look for the good and the blessings in life.
I have never known anyone as gracious and polite as the people I met. Always saying, "Welcome back, Terra." Even if I just walked out and right back into the gate. Everyone would say, "Welcome back!"
They prepare meals for you and refuse to let you help with anything because you are a guest.
"Never give up" was written across the back of a vehicle i saw driving by.
*Riding as the 3rd person on a boda boda
*squatting over pit latrines everywhere I went (Even had to pay $2 to squat over one in the city.)
*dead cockroach in my bed
*accepting and eating a piece of fruit from the very dirty hand of a small child (how could I say no?)
*cooking all of our meals outside over an open fire
*having to explain over and over again why Americans are fat (they use that word as a compliment and want to know how they can be fat too)
*trying to convince my new friends that I was not a 25 year old Spanish girl (although I felt very complimented!)
*telling the story over and over again about why I have so many dogs and why I put a sweater on them if they are cold. They laughed harder each time I tried to explain.
*explaining snow and sled riding and snow men
*Recho asking where "the place of convenience" was when I was asking where the bathroom was
*a Ugandan man wearing a Cowgirl Up thirst
What I learned about myself:
*that when I am weak, He is strong
*i am to be a light in the darkness, and what that really looks like
*i have a larger capacity to love and be loved than I knew before
*i am braver than I thought I was
This is the information for ECM:
Every Child Ministries
PO Box 810
Hebron, IN 46341
Www.ecmafrica.org
219-996-4201
As I mentioned earlier, I will be working to raise money. I will be selling beads made by the children so that I can send the money back to their projects. Recho and I are working together to create a safe place for the at risk Karimojong girls to stay and sleep at night. They have to come off of the streets. They are being beaten and exploited in unimaginable ways. This is going to take the help of others to raise enough money to help protect them but they are among Uganda's most vulnerable and that is why I have decided to focus on them. If you would like to help me in any way possible, please contact me:
sunbuggymoon@yahoo.com.
You can also call me if you have my phone number; I am not going to post it online. Or for those of you I see on a daily basis, just ask me how you can help.
Thank you for taking this journey with me. Your prayers gave me strength when otherwise I would have fallen apart.
I love you all!!!!!!!!!!
Terra
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eyes." Psalm 32:8
Monday, February 10, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
All Packed and Ready To Go
It is Thursday at 5:30 pm. I will be leaving for the airport at 7:00. My flight leaves out of Africa at 12:45 am. I will be on that plane for approx 9 hours. I will land in London and fly to Chicago and that flight will be another 9 hours. From Chicago to Pittsburgh, another 1 1/2 hours and home! I realize the weather has been awful so there may be delays and cancelations, esp. the Chicago flight, so please pray. I miss my family and friends and I am so anxious to see them!!! :)
When I return to The Farm :), I will be posting my final thoughts as well as information about ECM if you would like to get involved. I have many projects that I have to begin working on when I return such as selling handmade beaded necklaces made by the children, helping to organize and begin a program for at risk adolescent girls in Karimojong, just to name a couple. Remember, if Jesus isn't calling you to help Ugandans, He is certainly calling you to work for Him in some capacity. Pray and ask for His guidance and He will direct you to your calling. I pray that our eyes and our hearts have been opened through this experience and that we will allow His light to shine through us. We are his hands and His feet and there is much work to be done.
I love you all so much. Thank you for following me to brave!!!
"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in the power of your hand to do so." Proverbs 3:27
When I return to The Farm :), I will be posting my final thoughts as well as information about ECM if you would like to get involved. I have many projects that I have to begin working on when I return such as selling handmade beaded necklaces made by the children, helping to organize and begin a program for at risk adolescent girls in Karimojong, just to name a couple. Remember, if Jesus isn't calling you to help Ugandans, He is certainly calling you to work for Him in some capacity. Pray and ask for His guidance and He will direct you to your calling. I pray that our eyes and our hearts have been opened through this experience and that we will allow His light to shine through us. We are his hands and His feet and there is much work to be done.
I love you all so much. Thank you for following me to brave!!!
"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in the power of your hand to do so." Proverbs 3:27
A Beautiful Day
It is Thursday at 1:00 pm and it is my last day here. We did not schedule any field work today so I am able to relax and visit with my new friends, young and old. I was too exhausted to post last night when I returned so I can update you now.
Yesterday was a very long day of walking and visiting. Allen, Rachel and I started by taxi and went to Kamwokya to meet Richard and Linda. We then walked a very far distance (far to me, although they are always telling me, "It is close."). Their idea of near and my idea are very different! ;) The first stop we made was to a slum area where we stopped at a mud house to visit the mother of one of the sponsored children. The home was maybe 5x8 and I believe 4 lived there. The mother was very unloving to the daughter that was present asking that she be taken far away. It was a confusing situation for me as the project coordinators were trying so hard to talk some sense into the mother.
The next stop (again, a very long walk) was another slum district and another family visit. This time to a mother of 6 and grandmama of one. She was living in the same type of dwelling as the first family. She was a Christian woman and cried and cried. When I asked why she was crying, I was told because she was so grateful to God and ECM for all of their blessings.'" And she was living in complete and utter poverty. A small dark room with no items of comfort just bleak and depressing. And yet, she was crying tears of joy.
Our last stop was to a hospital to visit the sponsored child who was hit by the taxi. He is recovering and will be discharged soon. The problem is that the family is destitute and unable to pay the hospital bill so they refuse to release the child. So every day the bill increases for keeping the child whose parents cannot afford the current bill! So frustrating! The ECM staff was looking into allocating emergency funds. I am not sure of the outcome.
Then it was time to say a final farewell to Richard and Linda. As we parted ways, I felt sad and wondered how I would handle saying goodbye very soon to the rest of my friends.
When I arrived back late in the evening my little friends were waiting so we played and I fed them cookies. They do not understand that soon I will be leaving.
There were a pile of ants and a dead roach on my bed last night. That is all I will say about that.
When I woke this morning, I checked my online journal (is that a better word than blog?) and read my brother Matt's comments. It was the first time I really allowed myself to cry. I have been so afraid that if it start I will never stop, but the tears poured down my cheeks. I cried so hard because he really got it. He understood what I have been feeling for so long. The Lord has been speaking to my heart and calling me to action for some time now and I understand, I really do, why everyone else does not feel this calling and this pain, but when I read his words, I finally felt like someone understood. My brother and I have a relationship where we seem to know how the other is feeling or what the other is thinking before we even share it. This is a blessing from God, to have someone who knows you so well and still loves you for exactly who you are. I love you Matt.
I feel like I need to say that I do not expect others to share my desire to love the people of Uganda. God placed Uganda on my heart so I am here. If God has placed America, Iceland, the slums of New York City, your next door neighbors, the elderly gentleman at church, someone in your workplace, addicts, the lonely, the handicapped, (I could go on) on your heart...move to action. Love them with all of the strength and resources you can muster. Be obedient to your Maker and live your life intentionally. We are not perfect but we all know what it feels like to want to be loved, to be cared for by someone, to know you matter, to feel you were created for a higher purpose and not just here by accident or because of a mistake. Everyone thinks that I have been a blessing to the people I have met in Uganda, but make no mistake... I am the one who has been blessed.
Yesterday was a very long day of walking and visiting. Allen, Rachel and I started by taxi and went to Kamwokya to meet Richard and Linda. We then walked a very far distance (far to me, although they are always telling me, "It is close."). Their idea of near and my idea are very different! ;) The first stop we made was to a slum area where we stopped at a mud house to visit the mother of one of the sponsored children. The home was maybe 5x8 and I believe 4 lived there. The mother was very unloving to the daughter that was present asking that she be taken far away. It was a confusing situation for me as the project coordinators were trying so hard to talk some sense into the mother.
The next stop (again, a very long walk) was another slum district and another family visit. This time to a mother of 6 and grandmama of one. She was living in the same type of dwelling as the first family. She was a Christian woman and cried and cried. When I asked why she was crying, I was told because she was so grateful to God and ECM for all of their blessings.'" And she was living in complete and utter poverty. A small dark room with no items of comfort just bleak and depressing. And yet, she was crying tears of joy.
Our last stop was to a hospital to visit the sponsored child who was hit by the taxi. He is recovering and will be discharged soon. The problem is that the family is destitute and unable to pay the hospital bill so they refuse to release the child. So every day the bill increases for keeping the child whose parents cannot afford the current bill! So frustrating! The ECM staff was looking into allocating emergency funds. I am not sure of the outcome.
Then it was time to say a final farewell to Richard and Linda. As we parted ways, I felt sad and wondered how I would handle saying goodbye very soon to the rest of my friends.
When I arrived back late in the evening my little friends were waiting so we played and I fed them cookies. They do not understand that soon I will be leaving.
There were a pile of ants and a dead roach on my bed last night. That is all I will say about that.
When I woke this morning, I checked my online journal (is that a better word than blog?) and read my brother Matt's comments. It was the first time I really allowed myself to cry. I have been so afraid that if it start I will never stop, but the tears poured down my cheeks. I cried so hard because he really got it. He understood what I have been feeling for so long. The Lord has been speaking to my heart and calling me to action for some time now and I understand, I really do, why everyone else does not feel this calling and this pain, but when I read his words, I finally felt like someone understood. My brother and I have a relationship where we seem to know how the other is feeling or what the other is thinking before we even share it. This is a blessing from God, to have someone who knows you so well and still loves you for exactly who you are. I love you Matt.
I feel like I need to say that I do not expect others to share my desire to love the people of Uganda. God placed Uganda on my heart so I am here. If God has placed America, Iceland, the slums of New York City, your next door neighbors, the elderly gentleman at church, someone in your workplace, addicts, the lonely, the handicapped, (I could go on) on your heart...move to action. Love them with all of the strength and resources you can muster. Be obedient to your Maker and live your life intentionally. We are not perfect but we all know what it feels like to want to be loved, to be cared for by someone, to know you matter, to feel you were created for a higher purpose and not just here by accident or because of a mistake. Everyone thinks that I have been a blessing to the people I have met in Uganda, but make no mistake... I am the one who has been blessed.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
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